This report documents
an attempt to create more familiar environments in normally uncomfortable
places, with this effort being done on the scale of one (1) urban location,
with possible application to the world.
Widespread depression of the population is currently a government concern, and this project addresses the government's desire to alleviate the wretched state of the population, by trying to make all space seem as much like where one would want to be at any given point.
This project will require the appointment and creation of The Board of Photography (BOP), whose obligations will include the documentation and distribution of classic home and comfort environments, with no current emphasis on vacation space, because although that environment fosters the feeling of good, it will not create the right frame of mind for lasting comfort and coming to terms with, existing in, and dealing with life in uncomfortable spaces.
The BOP will be responsible for the production of billboards depicting comfort in uncomfortable urban environments, such as crowded city blocks full of corporate offices in large structures. The idea of extreme comfort such as hot tubs is currently being put aside and the bathtub and cup of tea will be promoted instead.
There will be an effort to make business offices seem more like kitchens, to have municipal space like police stations and postal offices given certain elements of the family room, the rumpus room. Doctors offices and hospitals will be made to seem more like outdoor scenes, so that grass is put down on counter tops and a percentage yet to be decided of all floor space. More plant life will also be put in all of the above environments.
In a further attempt to normalize cities, the actual outdoors will be given some facets of building and office type environments such as the establishment of doormen and signing-in requirements in parks and gardens, so that the freedom and tranquility of the outdoors will be associated with the more restricted space of the edifice.
Desks and typewriters are to be put in poolhalls and bowling lanes to try and associate typical relief and escape with generic work life.
There will additionally be those, employed by the state whose job it will be to buy gifts for the population, things that will bring amusement to sad people and joy to those for whom receiving gifts is a pleasant experience. These gifts will be consistent with the state objective to normalize and comfortize the urban scape. Categories for gifts will therefore include affairs of the home and outdoors and leisure environments, that can be put on desks and added to uncomfortable space to initiate more positive opinion and more pleasant connections of thought.
Additionally, stadiums, public restrooms, airports, train stations, airplanes, and trains will be flooded with the contents of attics, which will be distributed by dedicated personnel, who similarly will begin a program to elicit the donations of attic contents from citizens wishing to contribute to this project. Until donations reach an acceptable level, personnel will be confiscating attic contents from elderly families. The families will be given good citizen awards and will receive complimentary office environments for their homes, to help them come to terms with the integration of comfort project.
There is concern that there may be a shortage of attics, which could disrupt this proposal. Therefore it will be additionally proposed that an Attic Supplementation Board be established to enhance attic content. Teams of Attic Supplements would be created with special training to further this endeavor.
The advice of this report should begin quickly and continue indefinitely, or so long as comfort continues to be a top concern of the government, as it is today.
MATTHEW BLOOMGARDEN is a writer living in Alphabet City, 10009. His interests include glass bricks, surveillance, repetition, and contemplating the casual aspects of life. He indulges himself by occasionally assuming the identity Johnny Rococo, a fictitious master of the arts who fondly appreciates construction sites and unknown spaces.